Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife
is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell
rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob
says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. "
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her
towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few
seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her
husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time,
you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.
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Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a
leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand
up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm
129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears,
he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm
129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.On his arrival at the church,
the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,
"Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity.
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Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they find an
antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says,
"I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I
want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to
be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the
office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
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Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing
nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked
him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The
eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle
and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.
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Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love
to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed
the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with
nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after
eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey
was proudly perched at the top of the tree.He was
promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of
the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there..
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Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It
was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground
into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and
dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him
out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the
bird singing and came to investigate.Following the
sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile
of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and a te
him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to
keep
your mouth shut!
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THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT
COURSE
